Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for so much this year. A big one is the opportunity to show my true teaching bad-self with a retake on E1. I have refused, since I got my results, to look at this as a disappointment or woe-is-me. I'm making it a positive. I AM grateful that I do have the chance to retake it and make it the best it can be so I can shout in triumph a year from now that I am National Board Certified. 

It's a PROCESS people....

I understand why people who don't certify in their first year of pursuing National Board often just don't tell people. I swear, if one more person tells me it is "ridiculous" or "unfair" that I didn't "pass" (make that certify folks!), I will scream.

I said this over the weekend too but anyone who hasn't gone through the process just doesn't understand. It isn't a pass/fail situation. It also doesn't mean that I am a good or not good teacher. It means one thing. I did not provide enough evidence. Period. That is it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Truthfully, it doesn't really bother me. Sure, it's disappointing because you KILL yourself on it. You do. By the time you mail that box you think if you ever see it again, you are going to stab yourself in the eye! *wink* However, once mid-summer hit, I missed the process. The reflection. The growth. The need to keep pushing and pushing myself to go, go, go. Do this thing just a little better, put this much more into that assignment.

National Board changed the way I teach. No matter what, I am 100% a better teacher than I ever have been. I could go on about how my students and their parents all think so and tell me so...but it isn't about that either. I just do what I love. I try my best every day and strive to be better every day too. It's what I want my students to do, it's what I should practice as well.

The Results are In....

Today is the day that all CIWs have been waiting for. It is the day we find out if our blue boxes full of 9 months of blood, sweat and tears ended up providing us with a "Congratulations, You are a National Board Certified Teacher!" or not.

Unfortunately, when I logged into My Profile this morning at 6:30 a.m. (I couldn't sleep for a totally different reason), I did not see those fabulous words. I missed certifying by 6 points. (Remember that each entry is worth up to 4.25 points (an A+) and then is weighted by 16, 12 or 6.67 depending upon the entry/exercise.) What really stinks is, upon further investigation, I only need 0.375 of a point on one entry to certify and reach that magic number of 275. 

The closer we have gotten to the deadline, I have been telling myself I didn't make it. Not to be a downer and not to be a Negative Nancy but to prepare myself just in case. I had a really crappy spring when I was finishing my last two entries (the two I didn't reach the 2.75 on which is the minimum "pass" on each entry/exercise). When I checked my National Board files on my computer, I noted that the two I didn't pass were the last two I completed and I finished them the day I sent in my box. I sent my box in two weeks early because I was overwhelmed with my personal BS and needed to get National Board out of my hair. 

I took three weeks off (until Spring Break) and then busted my behind studying for the Assessment Center. Happily, I did really awesome there, only exercise 5 was below the benchmark (and that one stumped a lot of us for MONTHS as we practiced and practiced). 

I have been sick all day (not because of my results, it's just icky timing) and have slept through much of the day. I have thought about what to do in the small amount of time I have been awake and coherent. I AM going to retake Portfolio One and ONLY Portfolio One. I did horrible on Entry 3 but I feel so UNconfident in my ability to redo that one and bring my score back up. So I will do the other one. I only need that 0.375th of a point so if I put all of my energy into that one entry, I should be just fine. 

I know the process so much better, I know what to expect now. It won't be as time consuming, as difficult and/or as stressful because it's ONE entry rather than TEN like last year. Plus the drama is my life is relatively non-existent now since I parted ways with people who just don't deserve to say they know me. I will make it in Round Two, I have no doubt of that.

It is a journey after all. My plan of attack is to review Entry 2 (my highest score) and see what I did in there that I didn't do in Entry 1 and go from there. I am working with big kids again, where I feel SO MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE, and thus hopefully I can kick this entry in the behind this time around. 

So don't feel sad for me. I don't. Yeah, it stinks to work so hard and have to redo something but it is what it is. I will make it. I'm not the sort of person who just gives up. :) I have been a survivor my entire life and this is just a bump in my road. It's a tiny bump...it means nothing in the long run. I will be positive, I will persevere and a year from now I will open My Profile and see the words I want to see.

The End is (almost) here!

I got an email Friday afternoon letting me know that scores will be released on Saturday, November 17. We on the ecgen.org forums have speculated whether it would be that day (historically it is the Saturday before Thanksgiving). I am beyond nervous about it.

Some of my colleagues (and my mother), bless their hearts, say "Oh you passed FOR SURE". But if you haven't been through the process, you just don't know what its like. The way you have to write, the way you have to analyze, reanalyze and scrutinize everything is so nerve-wrecking. There is no sure-fire way to know that your  best effort met the rigorous standards of National Board.

Over the past few days, as I have been busy totally having a social life and having fun for a change, I have let myself think that perhaps I haven't certified yet. We had a great discussion on ecgen about that wording also--it isn't pass/fail, it is certified/not certified yet. When my mom told me to "have faith in myself" and I "surely passed", I felt bad about the possibility of NOT passing. I mentioned this on the forum and one of the ladies mentioned that pass/fail is so negative. Yes, it is!! So we all agreed to say certified or not certified yet.

I knew going into this process that I was in it for the long haul, three years if it takes me that long. I hope it doesn't because I'm not looking forward to the notion that I might have to videotape and do other things over again. Then again, I may be worried for nothing. Everyone I know who is in my shoes, who are waiting with baited breath for Saturday, gets it. We know it isn't so easy as to say "wow but you're a great teacher" or whatever. That doesn't matter. It matters how you presented your evidence that you are an accomplished teacher.

I know that I may well bite my nails down to the quick by Saturday and I may need to keep a barf bag handy when I log into My Profile Saturday and check to see where I stand (I may need that bag either way--I may vomit in despair or pure joy!). No matter what, however, I have promised myself that I am not going to be upset with myself if I didn't certify yet. I will take it on the chin, look at their advice and see what I need to do.

Part of me would love to be super confident and say "yeah, I got this" but it's just too difficult of a process to be so sure of yourself with. I can't wait to find out...yet I also don't want to know yet. A whole year of hard work could be coming to an amazing conclusion or back to a drawing board.

At least I have conferences to distract me this week!

Let the Countdown Begin!

Typically, in years past, scores for National Board are released right around Thanksgiving. Usually the week before. If that holds true this year, that means in just about a month, I will either have the best day of my life or the day that signifies I have some more growth to make. 

I was chatting with a colleague not to long ago and she said to me, "Oh you'll pass. You are SO smart." 

But some days, I do worry about what I'll do if I didn't make it. Was my writing good enough? Did I cover every single aspect of the prompts in the assessment center? Did I...? Did I....? Did I....?

It's so easy to second guess and question yourself. Most of the spring and summer, after taking my test, I put it out of my head. The relief in being done was tremendous. Most of this fall, it hasn't bothered me too much. Yes, I think about it now and again but I'm so busy trying to keep my head above water at school that I don't often have time to think about it. 

Someone on the ecgen.org forum (which I would TOTALLY JOIN if I were you and you're a new candidate in Early Childhood Generalist, Middle Childhood Generalist or Early/Middle Childhood Literacy--best $40 you'll ever spend!), said that when they were a CIW (Candidate in Waiting) they went into the new school year, before score release, and prepped to start all over, just in case they didn't make it. In other words, they did the permission slips, prepared to videotape and do all of these things over again. I thought that was kind of crazy. I mean, more power to her, but no thank you. I am not going to stress myself out over it until I KNOW I have to redo something. 

The confident side of me thinks there is just no way that I WON'T pass. I killed myself on those portfolios, analyzing, overanalyzing, reanalyzing. There is just no way that I didn't get a minimum 2.75 on each one. That's what I tell myself anyway. The assessment center exercises aren't worth as much (40% overall compared to 60% for the portfolios)...but I went to a ton of chats and really felt like I nailed those questions. I answered them just the way we practiced. I felt good. Confident.

The pessimistic side of me doesn't want to get that score release and see that I failed to make it this time. Because with as crazy as my school life is right now, I don't know HOW I could possibly do National Board again, even if it was just for an entry. I pray that if I didn't make it for some reason that the only things I need to redo would be AC exercises because they aren't classroom based and pretty much zero stress involved. 

The confident side wins most of the time fortunately. I have run so many scoring "scenarios" through based on feedback I got from readers of my portfolio and the chats I attended at ecgen.org that I will probably be shocked if I don't pass. I'm not a perfectionist in much but in stuff like this, I totally am. I would never submit something that didn't have my 150% best effort put into it. My name is out there, you know? 

The good news is, the way the process is scored, they add a 12 point uniform constant to every score. So if you DO receive a 2.75 minimum on everything (basically a B-), you will pass because your raw score would be 275 and the uniform constant will increase you to 287 points. The minimum passing is 275.

I think this is a good way to do it so that if you are someone like me...who has ZERO experience working with super young students (K-1 age), you have some leeway to do much better on another area to bump up your score. I know I only feel good about the Emergent Literacy AC exercise because I practiced with a kindergarten teacher for 3 months!! The other exercises were much more in my comfort zone so I'm not as worried about those. 

I'm sure that much of this will slip my mind over the next few weeks as we have more going on at school with conferences and the busy month of November. Once I get that coveted email telling me when scores will be available...my heart will likely lodge in my throat until I know I passed or need to reassess and decide my next step.

The Mid-Summer Waiting Game

When you spend an entire year focusing on something, it's weird when you no longer have it. I have felt this way on and off since walking out of the Assessment Center on May 14, having finished my National Board exams. For a little while, there was euphoria: whew, I'm finally done. Not long after, however, you sort of feel a sense of loss because this is something that overtook your life for such a long time (a school-year is a long time).

I find myself as we are approaching Back-to-School reflecting upon all of the things I learned last year. Even if I don't certify this year, I won't give up. I will step back into the ring and try again. It's kind of what I do. But in all seriousness, I am approaching ALL aspects of my curriculum planning differently. How can I truly maximize every moment I have with my students? How can I fit in just one more thing to help my students make progress?

Those are the thoughts floating through my head this August. It's this time of year I often get what I have dubbed "August insomnia" because I have so many ideas and things I want to do that I can't sleep. It hasn't happened yet but I'm sure it will. I have so many things I want to do for my classroom this year: not just for looks, but for productivity. I want to give my students the absolute BEST year they can have. Focus, determination and the growth I made going through National Board has invigorated me in ways I never thought would be possible for me. Teaching is my passion--it's who I am and what I do. 

But this is powerful. A year of hard work, scrutinizing, analyzing, freaking out and going back to the drawing board have me reflecting on what I've done in the past and what I will do in the future. It is a really awesome feeling to know that no matter if I see a "Congratulations" on my screen in November or not that I have grown. I have changed. I have made a difference for myself and for my future students simply by embarking upon the process.

That knowledge, reflection and power are priceless.

And waiting....

It is hard to believe it has only been six weeks since I took my NB test. So much has happened since that day (some good, a lot not good).

I kind of miss the National Board process. Maybe that makes me crazy. Or just a little odd. Or both!

I was talking to some folks on the ecgen site and I think I might try my hand at writing a book about the EMC Literacy certificate. There are "general" books out there and books geared for the EC-Gen certificate (and some are really good!), but I know I was hungry for something a bit more specific to my situation. When I asked around there, they all told me it was an amazing idea.

Maybe they are just crazy like me!!

Tentatively I would call it "The Art of Accomplished Teaching". I have totally been bitten by the writing bug since finishing my book and I think this would be a great project to work on, even if I didn't really make a lot of money with it.