Getting it going

I have purposely put off working on my retry for National Board until now. I've gathered some samples and whatnot but I haven't really done anything  except read my directions again and then shove them into the folder I made for my retake and push it out of sight again.

I think when push comes to shove, that I'm ready to admit how disappointed I was to not certify last year. I busted my ass, neglected myself, my family and even my job sometimes in pursuit of this and I still didn't make it. It's frustrating to realize you can kill yourself and it doesn't matter because you're just a number in a big ole stack of entries that someone is assessing.

I don't like being a downer. It's draining emotionally and physically. So I've avoided my reality for awhile.

With 2013, I'm not avoiding anymore. My whole life tendency has been to push things under the rug and "deal with it later". Well, later is here as far as National Board is concerned. 

I am ready to bust out the instructions and go back over them again and again. I need to highlight and make note of areas that perhaps I didn't really quite answer last time. Then I am going to look at the samples I already have and decide on a student to focus upon. 

(Note I am only working on Entry 1 for my retake since I only need a half point higher on the entry to transfer to the 6 points I needed to certify.)

This is the entry that focuses upon Promoting Literacy Development through Writing. To begin with I gathered samples from about six or seven of my students, both grades from one of our weekly writing tests. The students have to construct an answer to a question and use evidence from the text to support their response. I thought this would be a great "baseline" paper to help me determine areas where the student(s) needed extra instruction or support.

The first actual sample will be the December writing prompt where my students had to write about a special person, place or event. I can use the baseline information from the weekly test to set my goals, then use the writing sample to show progress, growth and where the student still needs further instruction. 

For the final sample, I plan to use the February writing prompt that we use which is a compare/contrast essay. I think this will show a range of writing for meaning instances as well as allowing me to help  my students to make connections in their writing across writing genres (ie that you still can use the same strategies for a constructed response as for a narrative as for a compare/contrast piece). 

Who knows if this will make it this time but I'm gonna give it my all and be positive.

I have until April 15 (two weeks longer than first timers have) to turn in the entry. I am not going to wait that long. Depending upon when our final writing prompts are finished in February, I hope to send my entry off by  the middle of March at the latest. Then its back to the waiting game like last year--waiting eight months to find out if you've made it or not.

Reworking

In some ways, after a whole  year of focusing upon National Board, it's weird to put my focus there again. Although, admittedly, it is so different this time around. I already know the process. I know my timeline. I know my standards. What I need to do is focus upon what I missed the last time and push myself to make sure I demonstrate that evidence this time.

It's just weird. Everyone totally expected me to pass/certify this time. I am the one that it affects yet I seem to be the only one who isn't mad about it. It's what it is. I guess after the year I had last (school) year, and knowing where I will end up, eventually, it seems like small beans in the long run. It isn't going to cost me my job or make me a worse teacher without those extra few letters behind my name.

I have already begun to collect some work samples. Granted, I am MUCH more content teaching the upper grades. I feel better there and more in my element. I'm glad that I have the chance to redo this one with kids at an age I'm more comfortable with. I selected several writing samples from a weekly written response test we have to do. I'm not focused on the content of their answer but rather their method, the writing itself. Some of my students are phenomenal at writing constructed responses and some still provide short, choppy answers that aren't what I expect them to be able to produce, especially after several months together in the classroom.

I am going to use these works as my "before". They won't make it into the entry itself but are going to guide my instruction as we push through this next unit on personal narratives so I can gauge the students' progress from one stage to the next in terms of their writing. After the personal narrative we are doing a unit on compare/contrast writing so the personal narrative and CC samples may well be what ends up going in the entry. 

I'm taking an entirely different approach to this entry this time around. My thinking has changed by reflecting upon what I did before and what I think I need to do now. I'm excited to see where this entry takes me this year.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for so much this year. A big one is the opportunity to show my true teaching bad-self with a retake on E1. I have refused, since I got my results, to look at this as a disappointment or woe-is-me. I'm making it a positive. I AM grateful that I do have the chance to retake it and make it the best it can be so I can shout in triumph a year from now that I am National Board Certified. 

It's a PROCESS people....

I understand why people who don't certify in their first year of pursuing National Board often just don't tell people. I swear, if one more person tells me it is "ridiculous" or "unfair" that I didn't "pass" (make that certify folks!), I will scream.

I said this over the weekend too but anyone who hasn't gone through the process just doesn't understand. It isn't a pass/fail situation. It also doesn't mean that I am a good or not good teacher. It means one thing. I did not provide enough evidence. Period. That is it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Truthfully, it doesn't really bother me. Sure, it's disappointing because you KILL yourself on it. You do. By the time you mail that box you think if you ever see it again, you are going to stab yourself in the eye! *wink* However, once mid-summer hit, I missed the process. The reflection. The growth. The need to keep pushing and pushing myself to go, go, go. Do this thing just a little better, put this much more into that assignment.

National Board changed the way I teach. No matter what, I am 100% a better teacher than I ever have been. I could go on about how my students and their parents all think so and tell me so...but it isn't about that either. I just do what I love. I try my best every day and strive to be better every day too. It's what I want my students to do, it's what I should practice as well.

The Results are In....

Today is the day that all CIWs have been waiting for. It is the day we find out if our blue boxes full of 9 months of blood, sweat and tears ended up providing us with a "Congratulations, You are a National Board Certified Teacher!" or not.

Unfortunately, when I logged into My Profile this morning at 6:30 a.m. (I couldn't sleep for a totally different reason), I did not see those fabulous words. I missed certifying by 6 points. (Remember that each entry is worth up to 4.25 points (an A+) and then is weighted by 16, 12 or 6.67 depending upon the entry/exercise.) What really stinks is, upon further investigation, I only need 0.375 of a point on one entry to certify and reach that magic number of 275. 

The closer we have gotten to the deadline, I have been telling myself I didn't make it. Not to be a downer and not to be a Negative Nancy but to prepare myself just in case. I had a really crappy spring when I was finishing my last two entries (the two I didn't reach the 2.75 on which is the minimum "pass" on each entry/exercise). When I checked my National Board files on my computer, I noted that the two I didn't pass were the last two I completed and I finished them the day I sent in my box. I sent my box in two weeks early because I was overwhelmed with my personal BS and needed to get National Board out of my hair. 

I took three weeks off (until Spring Break) and then busted my behind studying for the Assessment Center. Happily, I did really awesome there, only exercise 5 was below the benchmark (and that one stumped a lot of us for MONTHS as we practiced and practiced). 

I have been sick all day (not because of my results, it's just icky timing) and have slept through much of the day. I have thought about what to do in the small amount of time I have been awake and coherent. I AM going to retake Portfolio One and ONLY Portfolio One. I did horrible on Entry 3 but I feel so UNconfident in my ability to redo that one and bring my score back up. So I will do the other one. I only need that 0.375th of a point so if I put all of my energy into that one entry, I should be just fine. 

I know the process so much better, I know what to expect now. It won't be as time consuming, as difficult and/or as stressful because it's ONE entry rather than TEN like last year. Plus the drama is my life is relatively non-existent now since I parted ways with people who just don't deserve to say they know me. I will make it in Round Two, I have no doubt of that.

It is a journey after all. My plan of attack is to review Entry 2 (my highest score) and see what I did in there that I didn't do in Entry 1 and go from there. I am working with big kids again, where I feel SO MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE, and thus hopefully I can kick this entry in the behind this time around. 

So don't feel sad for me. I don't. Yeah, it stinks to work so hard and have to redo something but it is what it is. I will make it. I'm not the sort of person who just gives up. :) I have been a survivor my entire life and this is just a bump in my road. It's a tiny bump...it means nothing in the long run. I will be positive, I will persevere and a year from now I will open My Profile and see the words I want to see.

The End is (almost) here!

I got an email Friday afternoon letting me know that scores will be released on Saturday, November 17. We on the ecgen.org forums have speculated whether it would be that day (historically it is the Saturday before Thanksgiving). I am beyond nervous about it.

Some of my colleagues (and my mother), bless their hearts, say "Oh you passed FOR SURE". But if you haven't been through the process, you just don't know what its like. The way you have to write, the way you have to analyze, reanalyze and scrutinize everything is so nerve-wrecking. There is no sure-fire way to know that your  best effort met the rigorous standards of National Board.

Over the past few days, as I have been busy totally having a social life and having fun for a change, I have let myself think that perhaps I haven't certified yet. We had a great discussion on ecgen about that wording also--it isn't pass/fail, it is certified/not certified yet. When my mom told me to "have faith in myself" and I "surely passed", I felt bad about the possibility of NOT passing. I mentioned this on the forum and one of the ladies mentioned that pass/fail is so negative. Yes, it is!! So we all agreed to say certified or not certified yet.

I knew going into this process that I was in it for the long haul, three years if it takes me that long. I hope it doesn't because I'm not looking forward to the notion that I might have to videotape and do other things over again. Then again, I may be worried for nothing. Everyone I know who is in my shoes, who are waiting with baited breath for Saturday, gets it. We know it isn't so easy as to say "wow but you're a great teacher" or whatever. That doesn't matter. It matters how you presented your evidence that you are an accomplished teacher.

I know that I may well bite my nails down to the quick by Saturday and I may need to keep a barf bag handy when I log into My Profile Saturday and check to see where I stand (I may need that bag either way--I may vomit in despair or pure joy!). No matter what, however, I have promised myself that I am not going to be upset with myself if I didn't certify yet. I will take it on the chin, look at their advice and see what I need to do.

Part of me would love to be super confident and say "yeah, I got this" but it's just too difficult of a process to be so sure of yourself with. I can't wait to find out...yet I also don't want to know yet. A whole year of hard work could be coming to an amazing conclusion or back to a drawing board.

At least I have conferences to distract me this week!

Let the Countdown Begin!

Typically, in years past, scores for National Board are released right around Thanksgiving. Usually the week before. If that holds true this year, that means in just about a month, I will either have the best day of my life or the day that signifies I have some more growth to make. 

I was chatting with a colleague not to long ago and she said to me, "Oh you'll pass. You are SO smart." 

But some days, I do worry about what I'll do if I didn't make it. Was my writing good enough? Did I cover every single aspect of the prompts in the assessment center? Did I...? Did I....? Did I....?

It's so easy to second guess and question yourself. Most of the spring and summer, after taking my test, I put it out of my head. The relief in being done was tremendous. Most of this fall, it hasn't bothered me too much. Yes, I think about it now and again but I'm so busy trying to keep my head above water at school that I don't often have time to think about it. 

Someone on the ecgen.org forum (which I would TOTALLY JOIN if I were you and you're a new candidate in Early Childhood Generalist, Middle Childhood Generalist or Early/Middle Childhood Literacy--best $40 you'll ever spend!), said that when they were a CIW (Candidate in Waiting) they went into the new school year, before score release, and prepped to start all over, just in case they didn't make it. In other words, they did the permission slips, prepared to videotape and do all of these things over again. I thought that was kind of crazy. I mean, more power to her, but no thank you. I am not going to stress myself out over it until I KNOW I have to redo something. 

The confident side of me thinks there is just no way that I WON'T pass. I killed myself on those portfolios, analyzing, overanalyzing, reanalyzing. There is just no way that I didn't get a minimum 2.75 on each one. That's what I tell myself anyway. The assessment center exercises aren't worth as much (40% overall compared to 60% for the portfolios)...but I went to a ton of chats and really felt like I nailed those questions. I answered them just the way we practiced. I felt good. Confident.

The pessimistic side of me doesn't want to get that score release and see that I failed to make it this time. Because with as crazy as my school life is right now, I don't know HOW I could possibly do National Board again, even if it was just for an entry. I pray that if I didn't make it for some reason that the only things I need to redo would be AC exercises because they aren't classroom based and pretty much zero stress involved. 

The confident side wins most of the time fortunately. I have run so many scoring "scenarios" through based on feedback I got from readers of my portfolio and the chats I attended at ecgen.org that I will probably be shocked if I don't pass. I'm not a perfectionist in much but in stuff like this, I totally am. I would never submit something that didn't have my 150% best effort put into it. My name is out there, you know? 

The good news is, the way the process is scored, they add a 12 point uniform constant to every score. So if you DO receive a 2.75 minimum on everything (basically a B-), you will pass because your raw score would be 275 and the uniform constant will increase you to 287 points. The minimum passing is 275.

I think this is a good way to do it so that if you are someone like me...who has ZERO experience working with super young students (K-1 age), you have some leeway to do much better on another area to bump up your score. I know I only feel good about the Emergent Literacy AC exercise because I practiced with a kindergarten teacher for 3 months!! The other exercises were much more in my comfort zone so I'm not as worried about those. 

I'm sure that much of this will slip my mind over the next few weeks as we have more going on at school with conferences and the busy month of November. Once I get that coveted email telling me when scores will be available...my heart will likely lodge in my throat until I know I passed or need to reassess and decide my next step.