The End is (almost) here!

I got an email Friday afternoon letting me know that scores will be released on Saturday, November 17. We on the ecgen.org forums have speculated whether it would be that day (historically it is the Saturday before Thanksgiving). I am beyond nervous about it.

Some of my colleagues (and my mother), bless their hearts, say "Oh you passed FOR SURE". But if you haven't been through the process, you just don't know what its like. The way you have to write, the way you have to analyze, reanalyze and scrutinize everything is so nerve-wrecking. There is no sure-fire way to know that your  best effort met the rigorous standards of National Board.

Over the past few days, as I have been busy totally having a social life and having fun for a change, I have let myself think that perhaps I haven't certified yet. We had a great discussion on ecgen about that wording also--it isn't pass/fail, it is certified/not certified yet. When my mom told me to "have faith in myself" and I "surely passed", I felt bad about the possibility of NOT passing. I mentioned this on the forum and one of the ladies mentioned that pass/fail is so negative. Yes, it is!! So we all agreed to say certified or not certified yet.

I knew going into this process that I was in it for the long haul, three years if it takes me that long. I hope it doesn't because I'm not looking forward to the notion that I might have to videotape and do other things over again. Then again, I may be worried for nothing. Everyone I know who is in my shoes, who are waiting with baited breath for Saturday, gets it. We know it isn't so easy as to say "wow but you're a great teacher" or whatever. That doesn't matter. It matters how you presented your evidence that you are an accomplished teacher.

I know that I may well bite my nails down to the quick by Saturday and I may need to keep a barf bag handy when I log into My Profile Saturday and check to see where I stand (I may need that bag either way--I may vomit in despair or pure joy!). No matter what, however, I have promised myself that I am not going to be upset with myself if I didn't certify yet. I will take it on the chin, look at their advice and see what I need to do.

Part of me would love to be super confident and say "yeah, I got this" but it's just too difficult of a process to be so sure of yourself with. I can't wait to find out...yet I also don't want to know yet. A whole year of hard work could be coming to an amazing conclusion or back to a drawing board.

At least I have conferences to distract me this week!