Life after Portfolios

It's kind of unbelievable that I only mailed my portfolio two days ago. Feels like it was WAY longer ago.

After mailing the box, I treated myself to a nail fill and a pedicure. Heavenly. I needed it. Then yesterday morning we drove up to our cabin up north. Even though it is only March, it has felt more like June around here. I'm so glad we went. I am so relaxed when I am there.

It felt very weird to arrive home tonight and realize that I only have to do work for my regular classroom job. I do not have to do anything else. No portfolio writing. No revising. No freaking out.

I have my life back (for now). And it feels weird and awesome all at the same time.

Deep breath.....

I kind of want to throw up.

Because today is THE day. And I'm packing.

It's scary. What ifs are running through my head like crazy. I have spent so much time on this...I'm almost afraid to let it go. Seriously. I kind of want to tuck it in the back of the closet where I can pull it out and look at it.

Alas, it has to go. Two pages left for E3 and I'm totally done. Entry 1 and Entry 2 are signed and sealed. They are in their envelopes, I closed them. (And I want to hurl.) E3 is next. Final copy has to be printed, then inventory and that's signed and sealed as well. E4 is after that. It's done, just have to make sure I didn't forget to put anything in. Everything has an inventory sheet so those have to be completed.

Lastly, the FORMS envelope. It includes all of you checklists and your forms stating that you have been honest, the work is yours and you're signing your life away.

Then the box closes for the last time. And I seal it. And cry a little maybe. And then off to the post office. And cry a little more as I let them take it off my hands.

And pray that it gets there in one piece. I am going to pay for Priority because it has automatic tracking AND it will get there by middle of next week. I can breathe a sigh of relief once I get confirmation that it has arrived in San Antonio.

Then, try to forget about this blue box that has haunted me for the last 6 months. Three weeks of bliss...and then it's on for the AC. 

Oh.My.Lanta.

It's here!

My personal deadline is almost here! Tomorrow is it. I am getting up early with the hubby and kids, shoving them out of the house, making my final changes, printing my final copies and packing that box up. I plan to give myself about 3 hours to pack my box. Sounds dramatic but there is so much paper and so many checklists...and I don't have the luxury of someone helping me pack so it's on me. And I will double, triple and quadruple check each item before I seal any envelopes!

I hope to be mailing my box by noon or so. Then I shall treat myself to getting my nails done and maybe, if I'm feeling really daring, a pedicure.

Then I will come home and start packing for the weekend. We're heading up north to open our cabin. In March (it was 80 yesterday which is unheard of here)! I'm beyond excited. It is so quiet, restful and peaceful there. It will be the perfect way to celebrate sending my beloved box off to San Antonio.

Crunch Time!

So my personal deadline is looming! I'm almost ready. I WILL be ready by the end of the day on Friday the 16th. Even if I am running to the post office at 4:50, I will get that box out of my house on Friday.

I have to finish my video analysis for E3 and then write my reflection, then print it so I can read it, make revisions and cut out "fluff" and then fix it and that's done. I put it aside LONG ago and then procrastinated going back to it. I'm glad I did! Because after all of the chats I've attended at ecgen, all of the information I have read, and all of the "marinating" that entry did in my brain...I went back to it with fresh eyes and I am much happier with it now. It may not be perfect but I feel better about it than I did originally...and I've rewritten almost the entire entry. There was clearly a reason it was bothering me!

Then I have to finish my analysis of the second writing sample for E1 and write that reflection. Print, edit, revise, fix and that's done too. It feels kind of WEIRD to know that this is it. I've worked my butt off, gone through a mini crisis of my own during this process (from something totally unrelated) and I'm still gonna make it. Yesterday on the forums at ecgen, we were chatting about being almost there with this part....and I realized that I don't even care if I don't certify in my first try. I'm certainly not going to go into it expecting NOT to...but if I don't, it isn't the end of the world. I feel very confident about E2 and E4. The other two, because they've taken me the longest, I feel less sure about but I'm not worried.

Once I mail that box...it's relaxation. Well, as much as you can relax when  you've got millions of things happening at school! I'm downloading everything from the EMC Literacy Yahoo! group regarding the assessment center. I'm organizing my own section in my National Board folder for each of the 6 exercises. After Spring Break, I will begin studying for the AC. I will practice, practice, practice each exercise. I will have about 7 weeks to practice. If I practice ONE exercise a week, daily, to get used to the type of prompt it is, practice getting a complete answer written with all of the criteria in 30 minutes and having time to proof it before I move on....I can spend my 7th week practicing them all. So I can get comfortable with 2-90 minute sessions in which to complete the entire AC. (You get a short break between the 3rd and 4th exercise.)

It's on. I will be ready. I worked hard, I am solid in my evidence and I feel confident that I can do this in one try. To prove it to myself but also to all of my naysayers who said I was crazy to do this and how "worthless" it is. I haven't found it worthless. I have found it frustrating, stressful and enlightening. I have learned a lot. Once it's all over on May 30 (the day I take my AC) I will turn my focus to next school year. To how to use everything I've learned about myself as  a teacher and my students in this age group to focus my instruction for 2012-2013. Everything will be okay. If I open my profile in November and see that I didn't certify on my first try, I will reflect, look deep and try again. It won't be the end of the world.

New Goals

I decided that next Friday, March 16, is it for me. I am mailing the damn portfolio box by then, come hell or high water.

I can't do any more than I have done. I never want to see that blue box again. I shall tolerate it for another 10 days and then it is OUT OF MY HOUSE.

This deadline will a) force me to finish up the last of my work on this and b) allow me to BREATHE the last two weeks of March before Spring Break.

Everything I need to finish this is in my head.

I just have to get it on the paper, get the paper in the box and the box out of my house. Period.

No excuses. It's on.

Sluggin' it!

I'm so glad I decided to chronicle my journey in this separately from my other blog. I know I will be looking back at these posts and reflections and understanding, truly, how much I got out of doing this.

Today was going to be my Harry Potter marathan day. And I'll get to some laying on my bum later. I found that I can't sit still that long anymore. I rarely watch TV. I'm so used to GOING all the time that it is hard not to. Being online affords a lazy factor but also a productive one -- so it doesn't feel as lazy. I don't really understand it but I know I can waste days in front of my computer but watching a movie or two straight through is hard for me because I watch so little TV.

At any rate, today I will be finishing up E1. I have said it many times and haven't done it. Well, time is of the essence. I won't go to my marathon before it's finished. I have a ton of things to do tomorrow for school so I really want to get this entry out of my hair. 

Then I can focus Monday-Thursday after school with working on finishing up E3 and hopefully be all set with that one by the weekend. Then it's edits, packing and off it goes!