For the sake of my sanity, I decided to keep a separate place to put my posts about National Board. Mostly because I know that this is going to massively consume me for the next 6 months (Jan-March for my portfolio and March-June for the assessment center) and will consume me again come November when scores are nearly ready to be posted and I am biting my nails in anticipation of passing on my first try. Separating my reflections on this process will help me (hopefully) keep a better balance between National Board and the rest of my life.
I have been spending an inordinate amount of time over this break working on my National Board stuff. Yesterday The Husband said something to me about not criticizing him for watching so much TV when I'm always on my tablet and that he didn't see the difference.
I was floored. The difference is I am working on the most important thing I have ever tackled professionally! I was very hurt that it appeared he didn't see how important and time consuming this is. It is not like when I did my master's. Yeah that was time consuming too but nothing like this. It was much more cut and dry. National Board is anything but cut and dry. It is not for cookie cutter teachers. After stewing about it last night and just being really upset, something occurred to me. The Husband doesn't understand because he has nothing in his life he is truly passionate about. He has a job. I have a career. He just goes to work, makes a crap-ton more money than I ever will, and leaves the job at the job. I go to work, shape lives, change hearts, make a difference, change their thinking, change my own thinking, reframe how I previously saw something, worry about kids whose parents are clearly neglectful, worry about kids who are in 2nd grade and still reading at a pre-primer level. My passion fuels what I do. No, I am not the most creative teacher out there. I don't have time (or desire) to make tons of things to share on the blog and do giveaways. It's just not my style. I'm not knocking people who do that because I LOVE that they share their passion with the blogosphere and I have met some amazing people because of those things. I just don't have the desire to do them myself. It's not where I put my focus.
It kind of put me into a negative frame of mind. Not how I want to be starting a new year at all! I mentioned on FB that National Board just might kick my butt after all and a friend and former colleague said if ANYONE could kick National Board's butt, it would be me. Then my former therapist (whom I recently friended since it does not violate any client-counselor privileges since I haven't been to her office in over 6 months) said I just needed to take a breath and think about it. And she's right of course. I can't let little snags like a technology snafu make me feel like this whole process is too much and that I can't. Because I can. And I WILL.
When all was said and done, I picked myself up, pulled up my big girl pants and got on with it. There is no time for dwelling. The Husband is an insensitive doorknob sometimes but again, he doesn't understand why this is SO important. It is well beyond the stipend that I will get for passing and well beyond the grant money I unexpectedly received to pursue it. I have just felt compelled to do this for many years and the time was finally right. Even when I just want to sit and cry from the sheer volume of work to be done, I shall go on. I shall persevere and make it. I won't quit or give up.
Today I made my DVDs. Might not seem like that big of a deal but I finally made a decision on the video I am going to use for Entry 2. I actually had 3 to choose from and could not really decide which was best. I finally made the choice yesterday and put that DVD together and burned two copies today. Then I went ahead and put together my Entry 3 DVD and burned two copies of that as well. (One for me as a backup and one to send in.) You know I am tired when I put the labels on the DVD cases and realized Entry 3's label is on the BACK of the case. Oops. Oh well. They will have to deal with it I guess!
I need to make myself a plan. When and how I am going to work on the rest of my entries. Specific times I mean. My goal is to have a rough draft of Entry 2 by this weekend (although I don't know if I am going to make it) and a rough draft of Entry 3 by the end of the month. I need to set aside a time each day to work on them. I am going to have to think hard about that so I don't get overwhelmed, don't feel like I am neglecting my job or my family but can still get this work in and make it the best I can make it.
Today I made my DVDs. Might not seem like that big of a deal but I finally made a decision on the video I am going to use for Entry 2. I actually had 3 to choose from and could not really decide which was best. I finally made the choice yesterday and put that DVD together and burned two copies today. Then I went ahead and put together my Entry 3 DVD and burned two copies of that as well. (One for me as a backup and one to send in.) You know I am tired when I put the labels on the DVD cases and realized Entry 3's label is on the BACK of the case. Oops. Oh well. They will have to deal with it I guess!
I need to make myself a plan. When and how I am going to work on the rest of my entries. Specific times I mean. My goal is to have a rough draft of Entry 2 by this weekend (although I don't know if I am going to make it) and a rough draft of Entry 3 by the end of the month. I need to set aside a time each day to work on them. I am going to have to think hard about that so I don't get overwhelmed, don't feel like I am neglecting my job or my family but can still get this work in and make it the best I can make it.
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